One of downtown's demi-gods, Michael Musto, is reporting a return to the land of the libidinous:
It's a phenomenon—an absolute wonder that my bat is hitting homers so late in the (let's be generous) fourth or fifth inning! But now I desperately need advice on how to transition from the life of a nerdy castrato to that of the world's most bizarrely desirable genital juggler. Help!
It's been a few years since MO swam in libido lake, but being a slut emeritus, a few things remain clear in the mind. Surely some tips can be shot out to the beloved Must-ho:
- FreshDirect won't deliver to your door the first items you must get back in your cupboards. You know the brand-names: Trojan, Lifestyles, Rough-rider, Wet, Eros, Pjur, and, of course, Fleet. A better bet is drugstore.com.
- Now that you're back in the saddle (or is it the sling?) your wardrobe requirements are changing. Forget fashion and start thinking easy-access. Buttons are bastards. Instead opt for zippered pants and pullovers, but avoid velcro - that screams cheap.
- The outer layers are met in importance by what lies beneath. The return to raunch requires proper panties. Retire those tired former-whites and pack that package in some color. (Suggestion!)
- While you're shopping, buy new sheets and towels. You don't want to explain a stain.
- Making out in public is alway acceptable; but the aftermath can lessen your chances for more making out in public. Scout your locations properly and learn the locations for tidying up. Record whether the restroom is properly stocked with your recovery requirements.
- Make a mental note of every camera-carrying queen in the room and put your GPS on those bitches. Blackmail ain't pretty.
- Most of all remember the basics: Smile, wink, nod. And never look twice; that's trade's job.
Art by OLAN.
