Nothing bad about the Irish will be said here, but their big holiday could be done without. St. Patrick's Day could be this nice demure little holiday where people of Irish descent perhaps wear a little pin on their lapel or send a lovely card out to their friends.
But no. This is New York. Yoo-neek Noo Yawk. Everything is oversize, including badges of ethnic identity. Growing up in Indiana, there were two choices: you were blonde-haired and blue-eyed or you were "other". Moving to New York and confronted with the repeated question, "What's your background?" spurred multiple requests to my parents who in turn had to call other relatives to piece our little tree together. (German/English/Norweigan/Native American and absolutlely no Irish, by the way.)
All of which is to say that these Ethnifests ring hollow for me. Even Oktoberfest, which is, as the name implies, a harvest festival thrown in October, is perverted here into some odd German Pride thang. Why it is that the Irish Pride Parade is allowed to shut down a huge swath of traffic is beyond me. What can be told is why you should not even bother going to work on Saint Patrick's Day. And by told, I mean big graphic pictures of people, places and things that just completely turn my stomach regarding #@$#ing Saint Patrick's Day.
1. 
Bagpipes -
Jingoism.
That's what must have been to blame for my utter hatred for the sound of bagpipes. Obviously the problem was me.The bagpipe itself is quite complex with several complex parts including the Bush/Drone Cap, the Bass Drone, the Basss Drone Top, Inside and Outside Tenor Drones, and of course, the Drone Reed. (A mitigating factor: the Hemping Pin.) With this many assorted drones pulled together one would expect light and lovely sounds, perfect for, say, a parade.
Here's a tune that would be probably be better left to Aretha Franklin or Dolly Parton, as performed on bagpipe.
I'm not the problem. Bagpipes suck.
2. "On Saint Patrick's Day, evrybody's Irish"
No. I'm not. And neither is Kimiyo.
3. The Green Girls -
Halloween, New Year's, Valentines ... Saint Patrick's Day. All are occasions where the omnipresent crossing of signals between 'creative' and 'whorish' occurs. (see Reid, Tara) Many of these girls would be be served by just purchasing one outfit and dye in red, black, and green.
The green chosen for most Saint Patrick's ensembles does not flatter most skin types, yet no one takes heed, do they?
4. Not that Green Boys are any better -
5. Despite the lameness of the green clothes, they are still superior to 'green beer'
6. Which can only contribute to the following result, which my dog will undoubtedly want to taste when walked the next morning
Which boils it all down: It's an amateur's holiday that results in my dog drinking discolored vomit. But, then again, what do I know. I'm German.
