"So you're telling me that for years, I've been doing it all wrong. And in the process I've been dissing potentials, attracting only the most desperate, and lowering my own self-esteem."
"Pretty much so, Rod. Why didn't anyone ever fill you in on things like this?"
"Well, I came out late so I'm sort of a self-taught gay, Raf. It's not like there was a book."
"And you didn't think it was strange that when a guy was staring you down on the street that they never looked back once you had passed?"
"Well, my point of view was that they were interested in me from a distance and lost interest up when they got closer."
"You're a sad case."
"Whever. So teach me, old gay."
"Well you've got the initial eye contact down. You pretty much make a person feel like a piece of meat."
"I'm not that bad."
"Right. You're disgusting. But after the initial eye contact when are you looking back?"
"Dunno."
"I've been watching you. It's ten steps. Which is a lifetime gay-wise, and is why you only notice the trolliest of trolls looking back at you."
"So tell me, gay yoda, when am I supposed to look back?"
"It's a three-step rule. Actually it's three-six-ten. You pass a guy and make eye contact. One ... two ... three, and turn. If you both look back then you keep walking. Four ... five ... and six, and look again. If you both look, keep walking. Seven ... eight ... nine ... Ten! Look back and if you both are looking then you stop walking and eventually one of you walks toward the other."
"But who walks toward whom."
"Whom?"
"Yes, whom."
"Geek. Anyway, that doesn't matter. But now you know the Three Step Rule. You'll stop making people think you're a stuck-up bitch, stop thinking that no one is looking back at you and stop giving trolls too much of your attention."
"You're my fairy gay-father."
"Don't call me a fairy."
