Manhattan Offender

Guess who has a birthday tomorrow ...

Weekend ketchup

• Congrats to Paris Hilton on her ugly!
• Congrats to all the new parents living in Chelsea!
• Congrats to the MTA's spelling bee champeen!
• Congrats to the war protesters for stopping the war traffic!
• Congrats to Germany on getting your very own Clay Aiken!
• Congrats to Freddie Ljungberg for heating up Stockholm!
• Congrats to Taco Bell's CEO on his (sort-of) birthday!
• Congratulation's to Montana's god-mother on her real birthday!

Montana Mondays: Montana during wartime

Proving that she has very bad parents, Montana has been put into unnatural competition.  Using the same technology seen at such classics as HotOrNot and Rate-a-Rod a pictue of Montana was recently added to PuppyWar and although she is not beating everyone there, she could be doing worse.

(Actually her success rate has not been up to expectations.  She is the cutest member of the family really and it's all a bit disparaging.  Also disparaging is that there are other dogs named Montana.  Four of them on PuppyWar alone?  And all blondes?  Maybe the others were named after the state or that red-head on RealWorld Boston, but only ours was named after the Michele Pfeiffer character in Scarface.  Only.  Ours.)

Montana Mondays

(An idea totally ripped off from inspired by foofoo, but with the added retard touch of the camera pointing in the wrong direction.  (YouTube is still "processing" this, so check in later.))

Montana Mondays

Montana is a very good dog, but occasionally a rule is broken.  It's never anything too critical.  She'll beg from a houseguest, bark at "dangers" that she hears in the hallway outside, or, at times, use a wire hanger.

When such a rule is broken, a simple command is issued:  "Go to you room" or sometimes just "Room".  At the issue of the command, she runs to a corner of the living which has been designated as hers and then proceeds to make her daddies feel guilty for being so incredibly cruel as to send her there.

Montana Mondays

Montana has some general rules regarding toys:

• The best toy in the world is the newest one you have received.
• If it doesn't squeak, then it has no purpose.
• Little toys are for little dogs.  Little dogs are toys for big dogs.

Montana Mondays: Indognito

Being a celebrity dog has perks, but sometimes Montana just wants to go out in public and not be recognized.  Sometimes it is easier to disguise herself as a lower scale celebridog, like Hillary Duff.

Adventures in doggysitting

One of the pitfalls of owning a dog is needing someone to watch the dog when you are out of town.  Montana, perfect angel that she is has many uncles and aunties to choose from when we take the (too rare) trip out of town, but not everyone is so lucky.

For the past week the Offender household has hosted Ms. Rascal, a doberman-rottweiler mix.  Ms. Rascal is no Montana, lacking the charm and grace that Montana has achieved over the years.  Despite their friendship as pups, the two are not getting along well, with fights occurring over who gets to use the dog-bed, lay on the couch, and receive any attention in general. 

The skirmishes always begin in the same way.  Ms. Rascal will be doing something that she thinks is quite special (such as sitting in the dog-bed) and Montana will glance at her and walk toward her, tail wagging.  Rascal's hackles will rise, her gut will issue a growl, and then she will bare her teeth and basically come for Montana.  Montana's reaction?  "In my house?  Oh. No. You. Didn't.  Bring it, bitch!"  The two go at it far worse than Mariah and Evil Mariah ever did.

Usually these cat-fights are curbed before they ever really begin, with a stern "ladies" issued by Fang or me, but as we cannot be everywhere all the time sometimes they go at it like two high-school girls pulling out chunks of dry over-permed hair over who stole whose tuna-melt.  These battles require yanking both by the scruffs of their necks away from one another.  An accomplished dog-owner, my left and right arms are usually skilled enough to do this on my own, but Ms. Rascal chose not to relent just recently.

Since pictures of physical injury can be off-putting, we'll put that after the jump with the aftermath.

Montana Mondays

Montana - Day One!
From 2000 ...

Wassup, dog?

Posting pictures of the dog on your blog is so lame. Unless it's the Offen-dog, Montana!